Pay Salute to our Matriarch
Pay Salute to our Matriarch
Her favorite granddaughter Jeannie and grandson-in-law Kevin and the 4th generation: Zachary, Isaac & Clarissa
Great Grandma whispered to 小胖 : I'm getting rid of 費玉清!From now on, Zachary, Isaac & Clarissa are on the top of my favorite Playlist. 😉
外婆, thank you for teaching me and guiding me,
helping me and supporting me, always.
I am so lucky to have so many memories with 外婆. I remember spending all of my childhood summers in California with 外婆 and 外公. 外婆 was always thinking of everyone else and making sure that everyone was taken care of. In the earlier years, when she and 外公 were working, I remember watching how meticulously she would pack their lunches, then secure the lids with rubber bands to make sure nothing would spill. She arranged for me to have access to the piano practice rooms at CLC so I could continue playing during the summers. At night, when we would make dinner, it was always my job to close all of the bedroom doors so they would not smell like food. That is when she introduced me to my favorite vegetable, 空心菜. I think fondly of my summers with 外婆 and 外公 every time I have that dish.
Later, after she retired, I remember watching Chinese news and soap operas while eating lunch at 12 pm sharp every weekday. I learned to read more Chinese characters from watching those soap operas than from any class I have ever taken! (I remember her commenting what a great actress 劉雪華 was because she could cry the straightest tears.) A few times every summer, we would visit my 姨婆 and 阿姨s—they would rent Chinese soap operas, and we would stay up throughout the night watching. When we heard 外公 coming downstairs to check on us, we would turn off the TV and try to be very quiet, thinking that we could trick him into thinking that we had already gone to bed. Of course, someone would always giggle and give us away.
Grocery shopping with her at the Chinese markets in Monterey Park was also a unique experience. She would carefully shop for all of the necessary ingredients she needed for the month, and package the goods meticulously in bag after bag after bag. (Folding all of the bags after getting home was definitely not one of my favorite activities!) I didn’t appreciate it then, but after becoming a mom and shopping for my family, I am in awe of how she could meal...
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plan for an entire month at a time, especially without a single written list! (I can only plan for a week at a time, and that is with the assistance of Alexa, Siri, and my iPhone.) Summers with 外婆 immersed me in Chinese culture and tradition and have allowed me to pass this on to my children.
No memories of 外婆 would be complete without mentioning mahjong! I was so excited when I was deemed old enough to play mahjong with the “grown-ups!” It coincided with the first summer that I was old enough to babysit the kids next door, so I was happy that I had a way to pay my debts when I lost. I felt so grown-up. Just about every night, 外公, 外婆, Mom, and I would play mahjong—外公 to my right, 外婆 to my left, and my mom in front of me. Sixteen cards, 12 cards (my favorite!), 13 cards, we played multiple variations. 外婆 was the queen of 哩咕哩咕! Every time her hand was “too quiet” (不吃不碰) I remember being scared that I was going to 放炮 . At the end of every night, I would pay my debts using my babysitting earnings. I remember thinking that I must have made a lot more money babysitting than I had thought, since 外公 and 外婆 would usually win, but I never seemed to run out of money! Then, one night, I caught 外婆 putting the money that I had lost back into my babysitting stash! Mystery solved. So many memories on the mahjong table, all the way through January of 2021—外婆, Mom, Kevin and I had a great time celebrating the new year. (Our entire family had social distanced for a whole week during Winter Break, so we thought it would be safe to visit if we wore masks.) Little did I know then that it would be the last time we would get to play mahjong with 外婆.
Bingo is the other game that comes to mind when I think of 外婆! I remember joining 外婆 and Mom at Saturday night bingo, and sometimes Tuesday night bingo as well. 外婆 was a speed demon, daubing all the numbers! But my favorite part of bingo nights was having 宵夜 afterwards. Sometimes having a hot bowl of noodles at home, sometimes enjoying the delicacies at one of the little Chinese restaurants that was open into the wee hours of the morning—all while laughing, chatting, and enjoying each other’s company. And, of course, quietly tiptoeing in when we got home so we wouldn’t wake up 外公 and hear him say “這麼晚了, 你們這麼現在才回來?"
When I decided to go to college in California, 外婆 took me shopping for furniture for her spare room to make it my study. She said it was important for me to have my own desk and a place to put all of my things so I would feel like her home was my home. My freshman year of college was a particularly memorable year for 外婆 and me. 外公 was in Taiwan for the year, so I came home to Mission Viejo every weekend. I would drive home on Fridays, take a long nap, and then we would go out for dinner—usually Denny’s or Carrow’s. On Saturdays, we would grocery shop at multiple stores (she always knew what was on sale at each store), and we would often go to CVS, where she would combine her coupons with their sales and purchase 3 or 4 items, all for under $1, total! She was extreme couponing before it was a fad! We didn’t always have a use for all of the items that she bought, but she would find a place to store it. Her ability to pack boxes with top notch Tetris skills are unparalleled! Saturday nights, we would go to my cousins’ house and have dinner, followed, of course, by mahjong. Saturday nights and Sundays, she would do all of my laundry, fold it, and pack it neatly in bags for me to take back to school. That summer, we updated the furnishings in the house—the white sofa, the print above the white sofa, the coffee table, the glass blue bunnies and fish under the coffee table, the dinner table…everywhere I look in the family room brings back memories of our times together.
It was about 15 years before I spent that much time with 外婆 again, but this time, I moved in with Kevin and 2 kids, Zachary and Isaac. We had sold our condo, but were still in escrow for our new home. Not only did 外婆 welcome us with open arms, she even let us baby proof her home! Mom and I told Kevin that there was no possible way 外婆 that would let us attach anything to the wooden banisters. We couldn’t believe our ears when she told Kevin that it would be fine—in fact, we could attach gates to both the upstairs AND downstairs banisters! We quickly learned that if Kevin was the one asking, she would oblige. She didn’t bat an eye when we turned her usually neat and orderly home into a crazy circus with my young boys’ clothes and toys strewn everywhere.
Time has flown since that time. We have only spent a few days together at a time…vacationing at Harrah’s for the weekend, going to Jeff’s wedding in Seattle, and playing A LOT of mahjong…all the way until last month. In April, I lived in Mission Viejo with her once again for an extended period of time. One night, she looked at me and said, “Jeannie 呀, 快點回去吧!” I asked her, “我今天晚上可以住在這裡嗎?” And her response to me was the same as it has always been: “當然可以呀!” But for the first time, instead of her helping me as she has done my entire life, I had the honor and privilege of helping her to prepare for her journey to the next phase of life, to join 外公 and all of our forefathers. 外婆,I wish you safe and happy travels to your next destination, and I know you will be watching over all of us until we reunite.
Dear Grandma,
We will all miss you tremendously. From the moment we first met, I felt like you genuinely welcomed me into your family. Thank you for never making me feel like an outsider! I also appreciated how you frequently invited us to go with you on those wonderful vacation trips to places like Las Vegas and Rincon.
I will miss our late night (extending into early morning) Mah Jong sessions. It was always amazing to me that even though I am half a century younger, I would struggle to keep up with you, not just in terms of strategy but playing speed as well! It was sometimes a struggle keep up my playing speed, but I knew I had to do it because that would make the game more enjoyable for you, which drove me to become a better player because of you. (Not necessarily becoming a *good* player - just better than I was before.)
As I got to know you better, I came to understand how well you kept things very well organized. I remember trying to fix some blinds in your home and wondering about some details like measurements, brand/model and color from the original purchase. As I sat there trying to discern ways to figure out even a fraction of those things from a product sold decades ago, you came back downstairs with the original purchase receipt!
I have also come to see that keeping things in order extended not just to your personal life but it extended to your family as well. You did an amazing job taking care of so many members of your family, and raising two amazing people. I also see a lot of tremendous qualities in Jeannie that are a direct reflection of you and your guidance.
(Continued)
With all the order that we all know you like in your life, I always appreciated that you valued family even more. When you invited us to go with you on vacations (especially with our young children!), there was certainly much more chaos than I know you would have liked. But you tolerated the disorder so that we could all enjoy time together as a family. When we needed a place to stay for a couple months moving out of West LA, you invited my entire family into your home, including two little children at the time! You allowed us to move things around and even to put up baby gates in your home! I know that we all thought that baby gates were the antithesis of the clean and orderly home you always maintained. But I feel like it was a testament to how much you value your family to be willing to accept such unsightly and disorderly eyesores into your home for the sake of helping and protecting your family.
Thank you very much for your lifetime of caring for and guiding your amazing family, and thank you even more for embracing my addition into the family you built. We will miss your presence tremendously, but your spirit lives on in all of us.
Kevin
I would like to dedicate the song, Unforgettable, by Nat King Cole and Natalie Cole, to my great grandma. I will never forget all the late nights talking and playing Candy Crush with my great grandmother. Thank you for all of the amazing experiences.
I would like to dedicate the song, There You'll Be, by Faith Hill, to my great-grandma. She will always be with us in our hearts.
Chorus:
In my dreams, I'll always see you soar above the sky,
In my heart, there'll always be a place for you for all my life,
I'll keep a part of you with me,
And everywhere I am, there you'll be,
And everywhere I am, there you'll be.
I would like to dedicate the song, You Raise Me Up, by Josh Groban, to my great-grandma. Like the song says, she always helped us be more than we can be.
Chorus:
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains,
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas,
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders,
You raise me up to more than I can be.
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